LIVONIA, Mich. — DreamGrowz master cannabis grower Alex Brooks has reportedly begun using her state-of-the-art grow lights to combat her seasonal depression and give herself a massive vitamin D boost. 

“I’m typically a happy person, and I love synthesizing special hybrid strains and new grow techniques, but the isolation of the pandemic just sapped all of my energy levels and enthusiasm,” she said of her process, which she developed after a full day of holding and standing under a failing lighting rig. “Even with it being the middle of spring now and taking daily doses of Vitamin D, it’s just not enough, so I basically put Vitamin D on steroids until I became the Barry Bonds of seasonal depression.”

Those close to Brooks report her additional lifehack of treating her ADHD with copious amounts of cocaine is not working nearly as well.

Jay Shingle is a comedy performer and musician from the Pacific Northwest, and he is the creator of @ordinarypeoplememes on Instagram.