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NEWTON, Massachusetts — Eric Mannis recently confirmed his regret at having dressed as a fully functioning bong for Halloween. 

“I thought it would be a fun, quirky costume and maybe someone would smoke,” he lamented. “But then the whole party lined up to hit my bowl. And the bowl was right near my – ya know – so it was super awkward, and particularly horrifying every time they went to spark it.”

“Oh, also, because it was my costume, I had to keep refilling the weed! They smoked all my weed for the month!” he added.

Mannis’ roommate, Beth Finley, was less than thrilled with the costume as well. 

“The novelty of free weed wore off real quick and it just became a fire hazard in my apartment,” she explained. “People pouring ice over his head, spilling bong water everywhere, then setting fire to his crotch. I’m amazed we even survived!”

Though the costume was a disaster, Mannis eventually admitted he would be reusing the costume because it “took a lot of time, money, and effort, so I’m absolutely going to keep wearing it until it disintegrates or burns our apartment to the ground!”

Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

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