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MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Scientist Dr. Martin Dither stumbled upon a revolutionary discovery for growing cannabis by sprinkling Cheeto dust from the Flamin’ Hot Asteroids line over the crops at night.

“I was working on planting a new crop and happened to have some Cheeto dust on my fingers, ya know, because it’s so stubborn it takes days to wash off,” Dither began explaining, the orange residue still on his fingers, face, forearms, and also legs somehow. “I noticed the cannabis grew at an exponential rate, giant orange nuggets. And when I tried them, thousands of times more potent than any other strain I’d encountered. It was like magic beans, except Cheeto weed.”

Trials immediately began, Dither covering acres of cannabis farmland with Cheeto dust of all variations — different flavors, amounts, density, etc.

“Turns out the Flamin’ Hot Asteroids are the only ones with the magic,” he continued explaining. “The rest killed the plants. There’s something magical in those ones, like they were sent from the Gods in another galaxy or something. Flamin’ Hot Asteroids Cheeto dust has the mystical chemical that grows super weed.”

Though the findings seemed to hint towards innovation in the cannabis industry, it was later uncovered Dr. Dither was actually just super stoned, imagined the whole thing, and Cheeto dust didn’t affect the weed plants at all. The next morning upon noticing this, he simply commented, “Oops.”

Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

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