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Like so many other impressionable youth, I got hooked in high school.

All the teachers and camp counselors in my life tried to warn me but you can’t tell this adventurous bundle of sass what to do. So when my neighbor handed me a joint one evening and suggested I go “burn one down,” I not only agreed … I took that shit literally.

But the joint just wouldn’t stay lit so I splashed some kerosene on there, and then we were cooking grass with gas, so to speak.

Fast-forward some years later, when my college campus security discovered me in the botanical gardens one evening deep into a burning session, they actually celebrated my hobby and promised to drop any confiscated dope by my dorm room for future sessions.

I know my “smoking methods” might be a shock for any true cannassieurs out there but I’ll tell ya, the incense enthusiasts definitely know where I’m coming from.

And since I’m not your typical stoner, I’d like to right now dibs the term “burner.” I’m sure there’s not already another social group with that nickname and this certainly won’t cause any confusion.

So if you ever meet a “burner” in your travelers, you probably shouldn’t share your doobie with them unless you’re looking to see it burned away in a wasteful and fiery (and beautiful?) inferno.

Graham Abbott is a cannabis writer, journalist, & editor living in Portland, Oregon. He probably wouldn’t eat any of your fruit but it’s not your fault, he has allergies. IG: @instagrahamabbott

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

Click here to learn more.