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Listen – Frosty may have his whole corn cob pipe or whatever, but have you ever turned Frosty himself into a bong? Because I have and it’s fucking great.
The problem, obviously, is that fire and snow don’t mix – so you really only have a couple shots at it – but trust me, it gets you lit way better than a freaking pipe made out of corn! This is 2022, baby! With vapes, tinctures, and infused seltzers crowding the market, you gotta get creative if you want to innovate, and how are you going to get a better water bong than with a bong made of frozen water?
Here’s what you do: form three snowballs – classic snowman structure, right? Make sure the snow is packed real tight, because you don’t want leakage; if Frosty is getting high, so are you. Carve out a shaft starting at about the middle of the bottom snowball, all the way up to the nose. If you want to get Martha Stewart about it, you can hollow out a carrot for the mouthpiece, but anything hollow will do. If you want to make it last, outfit a bowl of aluminum, or even another pipe, to stick into ol’ Frosty so that your fire maintains some distance from your creation. But if you want to be a baller, just stick that bud right onto Frosty’s ice-cold thighs. Trust me, he won’t mind – he’ll be too stoned to care in a second.
Light that puppy, watch as your snowball becomes more of a snowmoon, and your brain becomes infused with some cold-smoked cannabis. It’s like that scene in Frozen where Olaf is wandering around looking for Samantha. Or maybe like when Elsa freezes and Olaf slowly withers away.
Wait, those are both Frozen 2. Anyway, the last thing you’ll want to do is ditch forever that corn cob, or apple, or old-fashioned GLASS pipe your GRANDPA used, and get with the future.
Snowman bong. Get it.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.