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REDHOUSE, N.Y. — Stray Parker and Cat Stoned quickly stuffed their secret stash of catnip into an empty Altoids tin and shoved it into their pet human’s underwear drawer upon hearing reports of an approaching K-9 unit.

“We’re not being suspicious or anything, we didn’t do anything, but you know how those pig-dogs are, especially if Dog the Bounty Hunter is with them,” Parker commented. “We’re gonna just lay here and act like we had a little too much milk, that’s all.”

Cat Stoned, while holding a chair in place for Stray Parker to climb up and hide the Altoids tin, added they’ve been lucky not to get caught in the past, but must remain vigilant just in case.

“Sometimes I’ll have our pet human put out some food so that tuna smell will cover the scent, just in case the K-9 that arrives has a competent nose,” he continued. “The fuzz is dumb though, they’ll never find it, they just wanna bully us around, bark a little to be the alpha, then they’ll leave.”

Office Bark Wahlberg later confirmed they were just looking to bully innocent cats around, as their amount of contraband wasn’t worth the paperwork.

Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

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