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Police in Santa Monica received a noise complaint on Saturday from Earl Crumbsworth, a retired surgeon in his 70’s, who called 911 to report that his neighbors were smoking cannabis that was so loud that he couldn’t get any sleep.

A transcript of the 911 call that Crumbsworth made recorded him as saying, “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind a little bit of schwaggy smoke in the air — it reminds me of my college theater days. But when your weed is so funky that it makes my ears ring from two doors down the block, we have a problem.”

Tiffany Larson and Tammy Lincoln, roommates who live in the house two doors down from Crumbsworth, responded to an Oregano inquiry about the situation in a written statement. They wrote:

“We apologize to anyone who may have been disturbed by the loud volumes of weed that we smoked on Saturday. We appreciate your concern for our safety, and we assure you that we are fine. Please know that it will probably happen again, every weekend.”

Lt. Margaret Smith, who was the responding officer to the complaint, told Oregano that she was glad the women were safe and that she isn’t worried about the issue becoming more prevalent now that cannabis is legal. “Noise complaints? No way. I mean, it smells like radioactive skunk cabbage once you pull into the cul de sac, but I couldn’t actually hear anything. I brought the decibel meter just to be sure.”

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

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