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WASHINGTON D.C. — Government agent Drake Shephard, assigned to decrypt references to cannabis via social media, has after years of research finally decoded the term “ouid” on TikTok.
“We knew there had to be a code for cannabis somewhere on the app. We tried searching for things like grass or herb at first and got a few hits but nothing substantial,” Shepherd began explaining. “Then we saw this word ‘ouid’ and knew it had to be something, so the process commenced.”
Ouid was run through decryption software at the Pentagon for several months but turned up no results.
“I tried taking pen to paper and brainstorming initialisms but One Unit Indica Dab didn’t mean anything to anyone at the office,” Shepherd continued while presenting a stack of notebooks filled with ideas of what Ouid could potentially mean. “Our Universal Intoxication Dro didn’t mean much to anyone either.”
The case was closed recently when Agent Shephard finally figured out the true meaning of Ouid, stating, “It’s just a misspelling to avoid searches, but it clearly reads as owed, like they owe money to someone! Nothing to do with weed whatsoever! Case Closed!”
Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.