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I don’t normally post reviews. And I’ll admit, I was a little skeptical at first — a grandma-themed cannabis company? Come on. Kitsch much? But I gotta say, the new cannabis kid on the block, Grandma’s Sweaterz, is a wonderland of comforting treats that rival your real grandma’s holiday snickerdoodles –– trust me.
Grandma’s Sweaterz isn’t just a weed brand — it’s also the coziest and cutest weed brand I’ve ever had the pleasure to enjoy. Grandma’s Sweaterz is a nugget of pure hygge. Their products even come in handmade, knitted dime bags! And now that it’s winter, what better time to sit by an open fire, snuggle up to your loved ones, and light up a fresh bowl of Grandma’s Sweaterz?
The knitted packaging is created with homespun merino wool, or cotton for the animal-friendly folks out there. And every bag is stitched to perfection made by real, live grandmas! These old gals might not move as fast as they used to, but they can still turn out some of the most exquisite purls you’ve ever seen.
Their dime bags also come in a variety of colors and patterns: like a peaceful, sky blue; a cinnamon spice red; and even in a Fair Isle pattern that will transport you to a solitary cabin on the Scottish moors.
Sure, these bags may not protect your stash from the elements, and small bits might spill through the stitches, but they definitely complement that fuzzy, winter feeling that you get with any of their strains. And as an extra dose of cozy goodness, they also include mulling spices like cloves, star anise, and a cinnamon stick with every gram.
Ever think about that warm and comforting feeling that only a grandma’s hug can provide? They’ve cultivated that feeling into several homey strains that pair perfectly with a mug of hot cocoa. Strains like:
- Butterscotch Face Punch
- OG Knit Widow
- Sour (Because My Kids Never Call Me) Haze
- Kush-y Vintage Couch
- Dreamy Doilies
- Early Bird Special, and
- Grandmama Purple
Don’t those make you want to just throw on some homemade crocheted slippers and cuddle up to your rescue cat? It does for me.
As for their use, I would recommend Grandma’s Sweaterz for lots of activities — like perfecting your chai tea recipe, arranging decorative winter gourds, and sitting back for a body high that makes you feel like you’re a simple dollop of raspberry jam that’s slowly melting on an English muffin. I said it was as good as a warm hug, and I meant it!
And feel free to save those decorative dime bags for home-mixed potpourri. Your own grandma will actually be PROUD of you for smoking!
Trust me, if you can’t hug your grandma for real this winter, Grandma’s Sweaterz is the next best thing! Five stars.
Andrea Romano is a comedy writer, sketch performer, and watcher of many Emmy-award-winning shows. Her writing has been seen on Cracked, Little Old Lady Comedy, and Mashable –– among others. Follow her on Twitter @theandrearomano.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.