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Trust me, smoking will heat up your core. I mean, it’s literally lit on fire, it has to be hot.

Five out of five experts have already confirmed, the energy utilized to hit this bowl is going to stimulate the electrons in all of your cells and thus raise your internal body temperature via their kinetic energy. That’s a known fact.

Scientists have already proven that this strain gives you a body high. How can your body be cold while it’s high? Your body can’t be both at the same time. That’s science.

You know how you get hungry when you smoke? It’s because your metabolism gets jump-started. And what happens when your metabolism speeds up? It burns through your sugars. BURNS. Yeah, your internal systems are going to work overtime and produce heat.

You know I studied bio extensively, so I know what I’m talking about. I got a 4 on the AP exam. Trust me, I’m basically a doctor now.

Oh also, experts have confirmed you’ll warm up if you tell me where your mom keeps the good snacks.

Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

Click here to learn more.