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NEW YORK — Head of co-op board Marsha Lathem immediately regretted telling residents at 310 41st St. that they are welcome to grow any plant life they would like in the rooftop greenery area.
“I assumed we’d get flowers or tomatoes or carrots or something, I didn’t realize just how many cannabis enthusiasts were in the building,” she lamented. “The roof is overrun with weed plants! I’m pretty sure I got a contact high just from going up there! Though they must sell it all because the tenant using the roof somehow affords the exorbitant rent here without a day job… as long as I remind him to pay.”
Other tenants in the building have expressed disappointment at the liberal rules surrounding the rooftop grow area as well.
“I don’t mind that they grow cannabis up there, in fact it’s kind of great because every once in a while I go up there and steal a few buds without them realizing,” commented Alicia Merk, a resident of the building. “But like, come on, I’m trying to grow some flowers and tomatoes and carrots, but we’re overrun with cannabis. Who is this guy, the kingpin of New York’s cannabis trade?”
The tenant in question, Greg Bowman, has grown his rooftop hobby grow operation into a full-fledged business in recent months.
“I’m like the kingpin of New York’s cannabis trade!” Bowman said excitedly while weighing out his 9,000th baggy of weed for the day. “I basically rule the Upper East Side at this point. I literally grow more weed up there than the entire state of California. Like, to the point that I’m nervous I’ll get arrested or something. Is weed still illegal here? Ms. Lathem hates it, I feel kinda bad.”
Bowman later clarified, “Actually, Ms. Lathem hated it, past tense… but now I give her 10% of profits so she’s super into it.”
Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.