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DES MOINES, Iowa — Dachshund mix and good boy Bark-Paul Gosselaar attempted to comfort his best friend and alleged pack leader Jake Stanton last night after Stanton became fearful of fireworks stemming from the Iowa State Fair, following an extensive smoke session.
“Right after he smoked, all the fireworks from the fair went off, and he started shouting unintelligibly at the bright lights and loud sounds before he ran and hid in the corner of the living room,” the dachshund commented. “But you know, I went over and put a paw on his shoulder, and he felt better after we cuddled a little. He scares easily sometimes, but I had him put on his thundershirt and get under his weighted blanket, and he went right to sleep.”
Eventually, after Stanton calmed down he went to get a treat from the kitchen, but Gosselaar luckily managed to stop Stanton from eating his full stash of 40 giant Toblerone bars. “I know he wants them,” Gosselaar said, “but he can’t have all that chocolate. It’s bad for him!”
Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.