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LOS ANGELES — Multiple sources report that four joints respectfully laid on Tom Petty’s grave last night at Los Angeles’ Self Realization Fellowship Lake Shrine miraculously turned into burnt, smoldering roaches almost instantly.
“It’s pretty common for fans to leave a joint or two on Petty’s grave, and usually I don’t think much of it, as it happens at a lot of rockstars’ graves. A bit of bud is no big deal to me compared to what I imagine the guys over at the Jimi Hendrix memorial deal with,” explained facilities manager Beau Wamser. “But those joints turning into roaches on their own… I checked the security footage, and there wasn’t a single person by them when they burned. At least, not that we saw.”
“My buddy and I just laid a few joints on Petty’s grave for fun — we thought it would be funny since we were blasting ‘Last Dance with Mary Jane’ on the car ride over here,” admitted 45-year-old Chris Trulli. “I don’t know, man. It was just supposed to be a stupid joke. But when we heard the faint humming of the harmonica from the opening of ‘You Don’t Know How It Feels,’ we turned back to his grave… and suddenly, those joints were full roaches. I’m still spooked today.”
Musicians, friends and paranormal enthusiasts alike were all thrilled to hear of the phenomenon.
“That sounds like a total Tom move,” chuckled country superstar Willie Nelson. “The few times I was lucky enough to hang with Tom he’d always play pranks on me and the band, like sneaking edibles into our snacks in the green room. They were so strong that I’d just keep playing ‘On The Road Again’ on a loop because I had no idea when I was supposed to end the song. Good times. I’m glad to hear my brother is flying high in the afterlife.”
“It had to be Tom,” agreed Fleetwood Mac singer Stevie Nicks. “I had a very vivid dream that night about the day he advised me on how to be the ‘girl Tom Petty’ and about the time we fist-fought police on the London Tube for confiscating our doobies. I’ve brought out my collection of crystals to try to make contact with his spirit to confirm if it was him. I haven’t heard back yet, but will keep you posted. I’m sure wherever he is that he’s stoned and having a rad time now.”
“The timing couldn’t have been more perfect. We just renewed our show in 2019 and have been dying for an episode like this,” gushed “Ghost Hunters” host Grant Wilson. “We’ve never seen these kinds of readings at a paranormal site before. Our audio surveillance systems picked up an incredible range of electronic greatest hits phenomena, but there were some B-side readings, too, like ‘Zombie Zoo.’ Our ratings are gonna be amazing once this episode airs.”
In light of the potential Petty contact, similar experiments are being held at memorials of deceased cannabis-loving celebrities, with large gatherings developing at the graves of Biggie Smalls and Bob Marley. Only time will tell if they will have comparable success.
Christopher Charles Jones is a writer and video producer for a variety of international brands and resides in a lovely New England town that is much nicer than where he grew up in Missouri. IG: @Chris_Jones_Creates
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.