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HOBOKEN, N.J. — Liz Finn, after recently borrowing her boyfriend’s hoodie for an indeterminate amount of time, found a small ziplock bag of cannabis in the front pouch and has announced she will be keeping that indefinitely as well.

“It’s pretty well known that as soon as I put that big comfy hoodie on, it’s mine forever,” Finn began explaining while curling into a tiny cotton puffball within the black cotton Sum-41 branded apparel. “Standard, boiler-plate relationship contract states any hoodie procured is permanently my property. We know this… and now we’re extending that to encompass items found in the pockets of said hoodie.”

“So now that weed is mine too,” she clarified.

The boyfriend in question, Will Channing, stated he has been looking for both the hoodie and the cannabis stash in question for some time.

“I just assume hoodies will go missing, but that weed? I tore my apartment to pieces trying to find it,” he said while also searching for a pair of jeans that went missing a few weeks prior. “Sometimes stuff just kinda vanishes, but that particular weed was this special promotional thing, it had like this orange flavor or something, real shame to lose track of it.”

Once discovering Channing wanted the cannabis back, Finn announced they were going to be ‘on a break’ for about an hour or so.

Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

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