Are you of legal age to consume cannabis related news?
COLUMBUS, Ohio — Frequent cannabis website reader and even more frequent commenter Michael Chad lamented the direction of the cannabis industry’s online content yesterday, claiming it has all gotten “too woke” lately.
“Every article now is all about the industry-wide racial disparity in business ownership, or the gender-wealth gap, or prison reform or worker’s rights or some crap,” said Chad, adding the finishing touches to a comment railing about mask mandates on an article he refused to read about the 40,000+ people still serving prison sentences for cannabis convictions. “Like, we get it, you’re a bunch of Bernie Bros who want to make us all wear matching jumpsuits while we pay for you to get high before you get government-sponsored abortions. Enough already.”
“These leftist lib-cucks need to stop virtue signaling about how progressive and woke they are,” Chad added. “I don’t need to hear about our collective responsibility for helping drug war prisoners get out of jail and expunging their records. When I go to your site, I want cannabis news and cannabis news ONLY — like what would happen if we cross Ice Cream Cake with Strawberry Cough, and where can we get this Strawberry Ice Cream Cake? That’s the REAL news we should be paying attention to.”
When asked via email whether he believed communities impacted by the drug war should receive some form of reparations from the government, Chad responded with a GIF of Pepe the Frog before cutting off all correspondence.
Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.