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BURLINGTON, Vt. — Following a structural mishap in their creation process, beloved ice cream maker Ben & Jerry’s announced today their latest offering: a new line of “Oops! All THC!” ice cream.
“Our core fans have been asking us about making an all-THC offering for years,” said co-founder Ben Cohen, struggling to keep his eyes open after tasting the latest batch of the new flavor. “We certainly didn’t plan to release an ice cream quite like this. But all it takes is one person to grab one of our sacks of kif instead of a sack of sugar, and here we are. That little hiccup led to this flavor that people just seem to love.”
“It’s been flying off the shelves,” agreed co-founder Jerry Greenfield. “We tried THC as a topping once in the 70s, but the weed was the only thing people liked about our Cannabiscuits & Gravy flavor, so we just scrapped the whole project. I guess we should’ve kept at it.”
Selling for $240 per pint, it’s one of the priciest options for edibles, and certainly for ice cream. But that hasn’t slowed down sales one bit. “We’re looking at our best quarter yet,” admitted Cohen. “Turns out, THC and ice cream are a match made in heaven.”
Not to be outdone, Häagen-Dazs announced plans today for a new “100% salvia” sherbet of their own.
Ian Fishman is a contributing writer to Oregano, the Hard Times, and 30Watt. He is a human puppy and a very good eater. Follow him on Instagram @fishsoundsvo.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.