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RENO, Nev. — A small troop of Girl Scouts preparing to sell cookies to patrons leaving the Reno Canna-Con are “about to learn a serious fucking life lesson,” according to security guard Pam D’Errica.
“Last year there was a guy with a hot dog cart right where they’ve set up, and he thought it was going to be a great day, too,” said D’Errica as she made the “move along” gesture to a teen couple for no reason. “Before the frenzy started. Before the life left his eyes, as his body tried to keep up with both the boisterous and mumbled orders which would not stop coming.”
“They had to carry away what was left of him,” D’Errica added, “and send someone to pick up the cart. Women may be more resilient, but these young ladies are choosing to go up against a stoned hurricane, and they will need to tap into their deepest reserves of endurance to emerge victorious on this day. Godspeed to them, and may God have mercy on their souls if they run out of Tagalongs.”
Once a crowd of conference-goers heard the words “Thin Mints outside,” the world’s slowest stampede in history began meandering its way toward the exit.
Kyle Stanley thinks it’s time for the Girl Scouts to “man up” and admit him. @KGordonStanley on Twitter.
