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ONANCOCK, Va. — The ‘Breezy Greenz’ storefront that is definitely not a dispensary is getting around local laws preventing cannabis sales by including it as a ‘free gift’ with the purchase of one of the most hideous, embarrassing, and unwearable t-shirts imaginable.
“This thing is tie-dye, of course, but not even like a fun-looking tie-dye, it’s like a bunch of shades of brown tie-dyed, then has pictures of sphinx cats where the eyes follow you wherever you go all over it,” said one customer who currently owns 400 of the terrible shirts. “It also only comes in XXXL, v-neck, and it does that thing where the shoulders are not fitted right so it’s like wearing a box. Also, the material is like, crunchy, if that makes sense.”
“…But that weed is next-level, so, you get it,” he added while revealing a closet full of the shirts he is stuck with, as GoodWill refuses to accept any more of them.
Mitch Vernon, the owner of the alleged t-shirt store, said he wanted a memorable shirt for the cannabis loophole.
“This is how advertising works, no one will ever forget that shirt,” he commented. He then revealed massive amounts of boxes with the shirt in question, having committed long-term to that design.
After hearing the suggestion of instead selling a t-shirt with the store’s logo and address listed on it, Vernon said, “I’ve made a huge mistake.”
Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.
