WASHINGTON — As more and more rioters are arrested following the attempted insurrection at the U.S. Capitol building on January 6th, the charges brought against particular rioters for defecating and smearing their feces on the walls of the Capitol will likely amount to lesser sentencing than possession of a single gram of cannabis during the same riot. “We have to be tough on crime. This is a nation of law and order,” FBI special agent Miguel Palacio said. “But if we’re weighing charges over indecent exposure versus a gram of ditch weed on federal property, the marijuana charge carries the stiffer sentence and has a higher likelihood of conviction. After all, most juries agree a true patriot can literally shit on the government in exercising his first amendment rights, but only terrorists smoke marijuana.” Palacio added that, worst case scenario, the FBI could always take a page out of the old LAPD playbook and leave some cannabis lying around when executing their search warrants.

Bryant Smith is a comedian based out of Chattanooga, TN and can be seen performing throughout the Southeast once the pandemic is quelled.