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WASHINGTON — Cannabis purveyor Michael Ladsby unfortunately chose the U.S. Capitol building this morning to conduct a transaction with longtime customer Jake Sanders, accidentally getting caught in the preparation for President-elect Joe Biden’s inauguration ceremony.
“There’s a spot just outside the Capitol that’s perfect — there’s benches, usually very little security, and enough people that you won’t attract attention,” stated Ladsby, currently hiding in his apartment in case the FBI comes looking for him. “But I guess it’s just a bad luck situation that my weed-dealing spot became the most-watched spot in the universe overnight, with the tightest security ever in the history of the world. Did anyone else know it’d be like that?”
“Normally, people see I’m selling weed and just kinda ignore it, but there were so many secret service agents and cops and FBI agents and plainclothes people that were probably undercover. Super messed up,” he added. “Thanks, Obama.”
Though the deal was aborted at the last second due to the inauguration, Ladsby’s venture was moot anyway, as Sanders failed to even show up. “I was glued to the TV so hard I forgot I was even supposed to pick up weed,” Sanders said. “Then I saw [Ladsby] on TV wandering around in the middle of the inauguration security while Fall Out Boy was soundchecking and texted him like, ‘Dude, my b.’ He was not happy about it, especially since I just went to a dispensary anyway.”
Compounding the matter, Ladsby allegedly partook in his own product prior to arrival at the Capitol and thus was slightly confused and disoriented by the scene.
“Look, when I saw people in uniforms with guns, I thought there might be another riot, so I tried finding a back door or escape hatch or something and ended up running into the Biden family,” Ladsby said. “Long story short, I’m on a no-fly list now, but I got to keep my weed, so, it worked itself out, I guess. And now I know Hunter Biden; that’s gotta be a plus someday.”
Ladsby and Sanders agreed that from now on, they’ll make their transactions on the steps of the Supreme Court, because the security there is “probably more cool with it.”
Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.