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Chad Macy is a contributing writer for Tucker Carlson Tonight and The Daily Wire. He is also the founder of the Dads Against Dabbing, a non-profit that seeks to end dabbing for all ages.
Participating in democracy by voting is a sacred act, one treasured by our founding fathers and nation as it evolved throughout American history. At this point it has become so much of our identity as a nation. Simply put, voting is more American than apple pie. It’s what makes the United States of America feel like a special place. Every American should have their voice heard in elections……except for you. You stoned loser.
Don’t even pretend to act like you didn’t know what you were getting yourself into when you smoked that single joint thirty years ago. Didn’t you listen in D.A.R.E class? Weed is bad! Some sweaty bald cop told me in fifth great that it’s a slippery slope to start smoking weed. He even detailed why it was bad right after we all had to walk around with those blurry beer goggles on. He probably didn’t crack out the weed goggles since that shit would be way too fucking scary for our fragile child minds. Who am I to question him? He looked like that guy that would bust punk ass junkies in Breaking Bad, so he had to be legit. Because of this, you definitely should have expected your life to be over after smoking that joint. I don’t think they should ever let you vote! You won’t get any sympathy from me.
And besides, if they did let you vote then your votes wouldn’t make any sense whatsoever. I bet you would try to make reefer LEGAL on a federal level with your vote. What do you want? Anarchy? And what would you legalize next after that? Free healthcare so you can get your Commie weed prescriptions for free? Over my dead fucking body. Not in my country kiddo.
If they miracously were stupid enough to let you vote then I bet you wouldn’t even show up.
Look, I’ve seen the commercials. All you do is lay there most of the time. Fat chances you’d ever make it to the voting booth, let alone remember to bring identification or write legibly. Why should we bother letting you vote when you’re probably too stoned to know how to? Even if you did only smoke that one joint thirty years ago, I hear that shit will ruin your brain PERMANENTLY. We can’t have damaged goods making our country’s decisions. What do you think America is, a joke? No way buddy.
Weed would be the downfall of the American dream. It’s just bad news all around. You are batshit crazy for thinking you can vote after smoking that joint. I don’t care if it was thirty years ago. Our country can’t take that kind of gamble by letting your stoner brain participate in our beloved democracy.
And don’t even get me started on CBD. That’s just reefer in disguise and everyone that’s ever used it should be charged as a felon. No questions asked.
Christopher Charles Jones is a writer and video producer for a variety of international brands and resides in a lovely New England town that is much nicer than where he grew up in Missouri. IG: @Chris_Jones_Creates
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.