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SEATTLE — Local Seattle dispensary BudsForever has reported record sales for the past three weeks after hiring a sign-twirling Santa to mesmerize customers outside of their Green St. location.
Shop management had a hunch that the child-like magic of Santa Claus is still alive and well in cannabis users, and let’s face it: a talented sign twirler is a sight to behold. Boy, were they right.
“We’ve seen a 60% increase in sales since our Chris Kringle has been out front of the shop,” said manager Jewel Layne. “Some customers who found their go-to choices were already sold out were so overjoyed with Santa Claus’ presence that they happily bought something else.”
Some shoppers who purchased products even came back to the shop after consuming it at home, just to watch Santa work his magic. It turns out that our favorite Christmas mascot majestically manipulating a sign in the air is just as good as any television show out there. BudsForever even had to ask people to limit their viewing to 30 minutes per visit due to the overwhelming congestion outside the shop, posing risks for the spread of the Covid-19 virus.
Management has even allowed the sign-twirler, Jarod Julian, to charge customers for photos and videos alongside him. By week two of the promotion, Julian had already amassed more money posing with customers than his normal base pay as a sign twirler, with the hashtag “#TwirlingPotSanta” trending heavily and used over 7,000 times on Instagram and Twitter.
“The response has been fuckin’ incredible,” said Julian as he sipped a tall boy in a brown paper bag during his break in the alley beside the shop. “I’ve already made my rent for January with these photo ops, and I reckon I’ll be getting a new big screen here by the end of the month; Merry fuckin’ Christmas to me, right?”
Julian, however, insisted he was not receiving any free product from the shop. “Naw, that stuff isn’t for me. I’m a beer and whisky kind of guy,” Julian said. “But I may need to start doing private cannabis events or something to cash in on this.” With his growing internet fame, Julian is even considering starting a TikTok account, uploading videos of himself twirling signs in various recognizable areas of the country, dressed as Santa year-round.
Article By Jay Shingle — firstname.lastname@example.org @jayshingle Instagram
Jay Shingle is a comedy performer and musician from the Pacific Northwest, and he is the creator of @ordinarypeoplememes on Instagram.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.