WEST OCEAN CITY, Md. — To celebrate the unofficial weed holiday of 4/20, local man Morris Lambert acknowledged the arrival of 4:20 p.m. exactly the same way he celebrated when he woke today at 8:07 a.m.: by taking nine bong rips and eating a McDonald’s breakfast burrito. 

“I thought I was having déjà vu,” Lambert groaned as he picked at some green pepper that was stuck in his molar. “Since it was 4/20, I knew I had to wake-and-bake before I hit Micky D’s. It fell on a Tuesday this year, so nine bingers did the trick before I went and grabbed two burritos. But when my alarm went off for 4:20 p.m., I was coming out of a nap that felt like a full night’s sleep, so I started the whole thing over again… and thankfully I had an extra burrito left, so I popped it in the toaster and it was good as new. All in all, a great 4/20.” 

After repeating his morning routine to celebrate the holiday, Lambert’s merriment continued well into the evening as he played just over 420 minutes of Red Dead Redemption 2.

Tyler Dark is a stand-up comedian and writer from Maryland’s Eastern Shore.