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NEW YORK CITY — Brothers Jason and Kevin Greenberg are having a lot more fun with the dreidel their grandparents gave them today after successfully converting it into a bowl.
“Apparently our Bubbie and Zeyde still think we’re 7 and that dreidel is fun for us on Hanukkah,” said 22-year-old Jason. “Of course we’d rather smoke, but both me and Kevin forgot to bring anything to smoke with. Like they say, though, necessity is the mother of invention: I drilled a hole through the handle and hollowed out the middle, and carving out over by gimel conveniently made the perfect carb hole.”
Kevin agreed, believing their inventiveness was well within the spirit of the holiday.
“The dreidel game was originally used to secretly teach Hebrew to the Jews because the Greeks were trying to eliminate our culture — now, we’re using the dreidel to secretly smoke without anyone in our family getting on our cases about it,” explained 24-year-old Kevin. “And I’ve never paid this much attention to Hebrew: instead of playing for gelt, we base our puffs and packs off of what we roll. Gimel, you take a long drag; hei, take a quick puff; nun, you don’t get to hit; and shin means you have to pack a new bowl. The real miracle will be if we can make it 8 days on the amount of weed we brought.”
Jason & Kevin’s parents, oblivious as to why their sons were so enthusiastic, were simply happy to finally see their kids taking such an interest in their heritage.
“I swear, the last few years on Hanukkah, those boys have been such typical moody teenagers, but this year they’ve been nothing but smiles,” said their mother Sarah Greenberg. “They even helped make the sufganiyot… though they did zone out and knead the dough for about an hour, and then ate the dough raw. But at least they’re spending quality time with their grandparents.”
In comparison, the boys’ grandparents were surprised their grandkids think they don’t know what they’re up to.
“As if me and Agatha weren’t also toking up back in the day together,” said Jason and Kevin’s grandfather Herschel. “Hell, if they just looked more closely at the menorah, they’d see it’s actually an elaborate 8-hitter.”
“I love just getting blitzed during Hanukkah and noshing on latkes,” confirmed their grandmother, Agatha. “We’d always try and burn down one joint each on the first night, then two on the second, and so on. Herschel got so high one year, he accidentally joined a rabbinical school. But then he could bless all of our weed to make it kosher.”
Kevin and Jason did report one final benefit to their cannabis use during Hanukkah: “We finally find that Adam Sandler song funny.”
Stephen Bell is a comedy writer for The Hard Times, Oregano, and JumpKick but is more accurately some science dork working as a lab technician. Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stephenbell6/
