TIMONIUM, Md. — A much-anticipated smoking session yesterday between local stoner Miles Walton and his father Richie went awry shortly after Walton realized what his father was like high. “I was so stoked to burn with my Pop. But as soon as he ripped the bowl, he just coughed like crazy and went on about how us kids don’t know anything about Jimi Hendrix. So typical,” Miles said of how the man who gave him life behaved after a miniscule hit of semi-decent bud. “The air-guitaring was bad enough, but then he kept interrupting me to talk about how hot Mom still is. I’m never doing this with him again.” While Walton’s father Richie described the event as “a bitchin’ good time” and looked forward to “hopefully splitting ‘half a grass’ with Miles and his friends sometime soon,” Miles had not only declared that he no longer smoked weed, but also made several Facebook posts pushing for its full criminalization.

Tyler Dark is a stand-up comedian and writer from Maryland’s Eastern Shore.