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DUBLIN, Ohio — Seasonal baseball fan Bob Crawley changed tonight’s World Series watch party schedule when he decided the traditional seventh inning bong rip was a little too far in the future for comfort.
“I could make it through ¾ of a basketball game sober because of the quick pace and athleticism, which is sorely lacking in baseball,” said Crawley from his California king-sized La-Z- Boy. “I think the first three innings would be a good stretch to have dinner, and then relax a bit before the seventh. Last year, I got a meatball sub, a half pound of wings, spicy potato wedges with celery sticks and an Olde English… and it was still only the bottom of the first when I’d finished.”
“I watched a game of the ALCS last week, and I forgot that in baseball, more often than not, nothing happens for hours at a time,” he added, “and there are commercials after every single pitch now. Which reminds me, I have to get insurance from MetLife and ask my doctor if Zorbifrex is right for me.”
As the game’s second inning went on, Crawley was heard threatening to “rip that fucker right now if you guys don’t hurry the hell up!”
Kyle Stanley rips it to Bull Durham. @KGordonStanley on Twitter.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.