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LAS VEGAS — Players in a high-stakes game of No Limit Hold’em at the Stu Ungar Memorial Methadone Clinic & Casino are becoming increasingly frustrated with one of their tablemates: a strongly scented, slowly moving man who keeps betting 420 chips at every opportunity and, in their opinion, ruining the integrity of the game.
“I thought that once I was rolled enough to play 100/200 games that I wouldn’t have to ever deal with rec donkeys like this again,” said poker pro Sam S. Quid, a former bomber plane mechanic. “He giggles, bets $420 or raises by $4200 and looks at all of us like we’re supposed to be delighted. I don’t know if he’s used to playing with junkies and deadheads and such like, but he won’t find people like that here in Vegas.”
Other pros at the table are sensing the tension, but are hoping the offending player will bust or become distracted by nearby slots before tempers rise too high.
“It would be a lie to say that we aren’t thrilled to play with a baked fish who’s begging us to take everything he has in weed-centric increments,” said Raksha Tom, who attempted to moderate the proceedings. “But it’s not easy to sit for hours with someone acting like this. I can take it, but Sam is furious and it looks like Nick Seagull is ready to ‘Griffin Benger’ the guy, which always ends horribly.”
For his part, the allegedly cannabis-consuming card player seems oblivious to the effects his actions are having on the other players. “I’m losing, but I made so much money investing in BluntCoin that I could keep playing for days,” said 420 bettor Joe Ho, who also plays competitive Pickleball while stoned. “I’ve seen these guys play on TV for millions of dollars and no one is repping the 4/20 in their sizings, which isn’t GTO — Ganja Theme Optimal — and that’s hurting not only poker, but the gaming world as a whole. When you really think about it, the… oh, it’s on me? $420!”
Watching the action unfold, Floor Supervisor Jimmy Hartigan said that while Ho hadn’t broken any rules, there was only around a .007 percent chance that he would ever be allowed in the game again.
Kyle Stanley will outdo Delano if it fucking kills him. @KGordonStanley on Twitter.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.