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Microdosing is great. No one will argue that. It’s the best way to put a little extra jump in your step and take the edge off a long workday or difficult task — a subtle life hack that shifts your mind ever-so-slightly to help you optimize your brain chemistry.

But if using X amount gives you Y benefits, wouldn’t using 10X amount give you 10Y benefits? That’s just math. And let me tell you: as a former microdosing convert, once the day-to-day effects started to wear off, I’ve been looking around for what I can do to rekindle that magic. And I’m pretty sure it’s macrodosing.

They say if you smoke just the tiniest amount in the morning, it’ll help center you: you’ll be focused and driven throughout the day, you’ll get all your work done, and enjoy lots of productivity. Now, that’s great and all… but by that logic, let’s say you smoke the biggest amount in the morning. Won’t that center you even more? Take a macrodose and you’ll get all your work done for like, the month!

Now, that’s just weed. But what about microdosing psychedelics? If taking a sub-hallucinogenic quantity of LSD reduces anxiety by an average of 10%, it stands to reason taking a super-hallucinogenic quantity would reduce anxiety by like, 4,000%. That’s science. Trust me. I’m an expert.* So from there, it stands to reason that tripping balls on a workday will reduce anxiety. I’ve never heard of anyone having a bad trip alone at their place of work. Have you? 

Exactly. I rest my case.

Let’s get serious, though: forget work, stress, anxiety, focus… all that. Forget all the things microdosing allegedly helps with, and consider this: “A little bit of a drug isn’t cool. You know what is? A LOT bit of a drug.”

Justin Timberlake said that, and he would know. Wise words to live by. Trust me, I macrodosed right before writing this post, and it definitely makes perfect sense!

*expert in the sense that it sounds like it could be factual

Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

Click here to learn more.