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At the start of the pandemic, everyone was nervous about possible points of contamination and people started disinfecting everything — from the mail, to groceries, to food deliveries.

Of course, this concern also applied to weed: what if the person who grew or trimmed your buds was infected? You can’t exactly spray hand sanitizer on your weed and still enjoy it. It was a real problem.

While many consumers buckled under the pressure and gave up their favorite pastime entirely, I found the perfect solution: just burn it before you inhale.

Think about it.

From all the science fiction movies we’ve seen over the years, what do we know about contagions? Obviously, the only way to decontaminate the most potent “strains” of bacteria / diseases / etc. is to incinerate them. Thank god that’s what I do to my weed anyway, otherwise I’d be pretty hesitant to inhale something that was covered in potentially infectious material.

Skeptical? Consider The Thing. That shape-shifting alien life form was probably the fastest-spreading and most cunning disease in Sci-Fi history. But when you blaze it up? Useless. Can’t infect anyone for shit.

I think I’ve made my point.

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

Click here to learn more.