BREAKING NEWS: Weed Marketing Campaign Will Feature Hot People Hiking

DENVER — In a stunning development, the cannabis production brand SereneGreens launched a groundbreaking new marketing campaign this week, featuring attractive 20-somethings frolicking in the woods, playing on mountains, and staring at the sunset. 

“We found that forefronting ‘hot people’ in nature works for cannabis just like it would for any other product,” explained product marketing specialist Regina Gerard. “You don’t even really need to feature the product in these ads — it’s more about making the consumer feel included as a fit, hot person, and then whatever product is associated with that image will self itself. Plus, most people consuming cannabis like to at least pretend they care about nature, so we have that on our side.” 

The response to the advertisements has been overwhelmingly enthusiastic. Middle and upper-class Millennials are widely credited with increased sales, regardless of their individual hotness or typical recreational use.

“I’m really up on what’s ‘hip’ right now in popular culture, and what’s ‘in.’ As soon as I saw these two hotties hiking — which, to be honest, reminded myself of me and my boyfriend — I was sold,” said daytrader and finance professional Elsa Henriette. “We immediately went out the next day and got some edibles for our weekend hike. We don’t really use cannabis, but if good looking people are into it, we want to be seen as being in that world. I mostly just give it to my little brother.” 

Campaigns like this one for SereneGreens are providing new opportunities for models as well, as traditionally hot people look for more ways to look longingly into the distance for a living.

“Normally I’m finding work for surf gear brands or through outdoor lifestyle companies, but this company hit my agent up, and it was really easy,” claimed model and bodybuilder Gaz Tanner. “I did the usual thing where I take my shirt off and stare at the camera on location, and they thought it was gold. I actually didn’t realize until later on that I was posing for a cannabis ad. Don’t tell my parents back home, please. They wouldn’t like it.” 

The strategy has been so successful that Gerard and her firm hope to apply the formula to an upcoming campaign for a personal lubricant company. Gerard even hinted at the possibility of using the exact same photos with little bottles of the spermicidal lube photoshopped in. 

Jay Shingle is a comedy performer and musician from the Pacific Northwest, and he is the creator of @ordinarypeoplememes on Instagram. Follow him directly @jayshingle

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