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ALBANY, N.Y. — In a desperate attempt to distract from his latest scandal, New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo signed legislation Wednesday morning to legalize adult-use recreational cannabis and ideally make everyone forget the numerous sexual assault and corruption charges leveled against him in recent weeks.

“This is a historic day in New York — one that rights all of the wrongs of the past. I’m putting an end to harsh prison sentences for marijuana-related crimes, and letting everyone light up whenever they feel like it. So, like… let’s just talk about that from now on, and forget about all of that messed up stuff I did, OK?” said Gov. Cuomo. “It’s time to get the Empire State’s economy, and my reputation, back on its feet. Everyone can just get high, and I can go back to entertaining New Yorkers by playing with hand soap again or some shit. Also, did I mention I’m Chris Cuomo’s brother? Yeah, let’s talk about that and weed now, instead.”

Reports are coming in that Cuomo’s plan has already backfired, as New Yorkers are allegedly scheduling a massive, 420-friendly “Let’s Put That Rapist Andrew Cuomo in Jail” festival in Woodstock, featuring a performance by HAIM.

Christopher Jones is a writer for Oregano, The Hard Times, and a variety of international brands. When he’s not writing he can be found working in video production and currently resides in a lovely New England town that is much nicer than where he grew up in Missouri. Find him on Insta @Chris_Jones_Creates

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

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