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MITCHELL, S.D. — Management at South Dakota’s Mitchell Corn Palace, a.k.a. “the world’s only corn palace,” are racking their brains this week to think of new ways to entice out-of-town visitors after the South Dakota Supreme Court struck down the voter-approved legalization of recreational cannabis on a technicality.
“Look, we had a lot of potential business for next year riding on legalization. Unless you’re here for a specific show, a corn palace can only draw so much, and an in-house dispensary would’ve put us in the Roadside Attraction Hall of Fame,” said EVP of Marketing Amy Willetti. “We got some funding from the Dept. of National Security back in 2004 — rightly so, because if we lose our freedom to celebrate corn, the terrorists win — but that grant only took us so far.”
“We even started using green corn in our famous wall murals once we found out about voter-approved legalization, because, you know… weed,” agreed development manager Tracy Gilardo. “Turns out, getting repeat customers to a place that bet its whole schtick on the popularity of corn is a real challenge.”
“Yeah, I mean… it’s like, a concert and event venue, but themed around corn, so if you’re not into corn or the rodeo or whatever’s there that day, there’s not a ton to go on,” said past patron Jeremiah Wallings. “But if I could blaze at the ‘Madison Square Garden of Corn,’ I’d show up for a crop duster expo or Dutch oven extravaganza or whatever it is just for the edibles. I can tolerate a lot more boring crap when I’m high.”
In overriding the will of the state’s voters, who approved medical and recreational legalization in 2020, the state’s judicial and political leaders praised the decision as “an example of democracy working exactly as intended.”
“Yes, our citizens voted to legalize cannabis. But they also voted for me to tell them what they really want, and to subvert what they think are their wishes when they don’t align with those of the Republican party,” said Gov. Kristi Noem, who initiated and led the drive to overturn the amendment. “As a Republican, I believe in democracy and freedom of choice, so long as those choices align with what works best for those of us in charge. The system works.”
Voters in South Dakota will have another chance to approve legalization in 2022, when GOP donors will be better ready to capitalize on investing in the emerging market.
This report was submitted to Oregano on a scroll made of corn, as hemp is still illegal in South Dakota thanks to this amendment override and blatant disregard for democratic institutions.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.