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WASHINGTON D.C. — Despite discussing the need for cannabis reforms while campaigning, President Biden has made little-to-no progress on the matter but recently explained the stalemate as “Just one of those things,” adding, “you know how it is… you get it.”
“Look, here’s the deal, there’s a ton of issues, and we need to be addressing them, but, you know what it’s like, it’s one thing then another, and sometimes things happen, and that’s what it is,” the President commented. “We’re doing what we can, we’re gonna take a look, but it is what it is, you get that.”
When Vice President Kamala Harris was approached about the possibility of cannabis reforms, the response was equally as informative.
“Don’t ask,” she began. “Don’t ask. Don’t ask. Don’t ask… don’t ask.”
Several Washington analysts have since dissected the situation, finding it’s not entirely the President’s fault.
“The lack of progress isn’t really up to him, the executive order thing is a little more complex than people realize,” added DC insider Kurt Milling. “And besides, considering Biden is like a thousand years old and not too long ago was staunchly against cannabis, I’d say it’s been pretty remarkable progress so far… but like he said, it’s just one of those things, man, ya know?”
When reached for comment on how he would have addressed the issue differently, Senator Bernie Sanders failed to clarify further, and instead started shouting unintelligibly about probably student loan relief, taxes, and Medicare.
Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.