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LOS ANGELES — Freelance producer/set designer and WeedCorp subcontractor Candace Dettweiler admitted moments ago that she has “zero idea what the fuck this is even supposed to be” as she surveyed the shoot she was hired to run for WeedCorp’s latest advertising campaign.
“I’ve done cannabis shoots before, and I’ve done racy shoots before… and every time, there’s been a clear direction as to what the client wants the end product to look like,” said Dettweiler, shaking her head while surveying an endless line of cannabis-related props, including a whip with a nugget for a handle and a set of lingerie woven entirely from stems. “This is exactly what happens when corporate groupthink takes over an emerging industry: a bunch of Chads screaming at each other that ‘sex sells’ and ‘drugs sell, too’ until they finally decide, ‘Why not both?’”
“That’s how you end up with a model wearing little beyond obscenely high heels, smoking a joint and preparing to fuck a weed cake,” added Dettweiler. “It’s so obscenely out there, and when you see the process that brought us here, it’s also so obscenely predictable. But, hey — the checks cash. Not my cannabis pig, not my cannabis farm, not my cannabis brand.”
Unfortunately for Dettweiler, she’ll need to re-do the shoot next week after getting the feedback that the photos were both “too sexy” and “too reserved,” and that the model “should be taking a bath in hash oil, but not in, like, a revealing way.”
Ian Fishman is the editor of Oregano, a contributing writer to the Hard Times, and the voice actor behind High End Voiceover. He is currently taking a bath in hash oil but not in, like, a revealing way.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.