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DETROIT — The trophy awarded to Cannabis Cup winners is reportedly in a shape that makes it impossible to turn into a bong of any kind, much to the chagrin of competitors.
“What am I supposed to do with this thing, stare at it?” stated current front runner Ben Selner. “Why would they give me a giant piece of hardware if there’s no way to smoke out of it? Maybe I can melt it down and remold it or something? Is that possible? I’ll smoke first, then do it…”
When contacted about the structural decision for the trophy, head of the Cannabis Cup, Lana Riley said it was by design.
“We knew the first thing the winner would do is try to smoke out of the trophy, so we purposely made it impossible,” she began explaining. “Not out of some diabolical spite or anything, it’s meant to be a challenge! One last hurdle for the winner to prove their worthiness — can you make a bong out of this?”
When reached for comment, the trophy designers that built the Cannabis Cup award added, “It’s just a regular cup, we didn’t do anything different at all, I smoke out of it all the time… I think those guys are just super baked and can’t figure it out.”
Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.