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LOS ANGELES — Local librarian Regina Weeks accidentally became intoxicated this morning after exposure to a reader’s residual high on a paperback copy of Inherent Vice by Thomas Pynchon.

“Oh, you mean that trippy-ass book with the missile on the cover? Dude returned it super late, but I canceled the fee because it’s like, who cares, man?” said Weeks, 65, wheeling a cart of hardcover books down the paperback aisle for a third time this morning. “Not gonna hate.”

Fellow library employees noticed a dramatic change in Weeks, who was normally the strictest disciplinarian at the branch, immediately after the return of the book.

“Ms. Weeks used to kick people out for eating a mint, but ever since that Pynchon book came in, she’s been telling everybody she’s ‘freakin’ starving to death’ and asking if we can add a free snack bar,” said longtime co-worker Damon Heath. “If you think books can’t change a person, well, there’s exhibit A, I guess.”

The guest who returned the novel, Dale Schemper, praised the writing while complaining about the short checkout time.

“I’m supposed to read that whole book in a month? There’s just no way,” said Schemper, 23, who got through the first chapter twice before switching to the Wikipedia synopsis. “With a masterpiece like that, you really need the time to digest it.”

Weeks was last seen moving all the American history books to the fiction section, insisting that “people need to wake the heck up, man.”

Andy Holt is an editor at Hard Drive magazine.

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

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