Are you of legal age to consume cannabis related news?
LOS ANGELES — In an attempt to modernize old films and incorporate a pro-legalized-cannabis stance, entertainment executives have announced they will be adding cannabis products into movies digitally.
“We thought weed was bad back then, but now we’re kinda on board with it, so why shouldn’t Atticus Finch be blazing in the courtroom?” began the head of Universal, Peter Cramer. “At one point we digitally erased cigarettes from a few movies, but now it’s like we’ve come full circle and are putting smoking back in ‘em! But the good and cool way, this time!”
While some like the concept, several decisions have left audiences underwhelmed.
“I thought changing the iconic heap of coke in Scarface to weed was a bit much,” stated film critic James Seltig. “Just doesn’t quite hit the same, him shoving his nose in a pile of green herb instead of white powder… maybe it’s just me, seems off though.”
“And then there’s the movies where I guess CGI-ing smoking didn’t look right, so they just kinda added a pile of weed somewhere in the frame for some reason,” Seltig continued. “I’m not sure the reason, but I can’t imagine needing a huge mass of weed just lying around in the Emperor’s chamber on the Death Star or changing Uncle Owen’s farm to a weed farm. Felt out of place, but at least they didn’t try to have Greedo ripping the bong first, that would’ve been ridiculous!”
After a recent check-in, it was discovered Hollywood also plans to overdub dialogue to pertain to weed in select films, changing iconic quotes to things like “Frankly my dear, I just wanna blaze so hard,” and “We’ll spark him a hit he can’t refuse,” without any coherent explanation.
Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.