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I thought I’d make a special day
More special still by far
By adding weed
To an IPA
In this makeshift Irish bar.

I ordered myself a frosty pint
In my rustic Irish brogue
I’m from Tampa
So I faked it
But the barkeep didn’t know.

Pulled out my trusty Altoids tin
Packed with some hybrid dank
A good 3.5
I poured inside 
This star-cross’d form of drank.

As I raised the mug I uttered 
That age-old St. Pat’s toast,
“Auld Lang Syne!
Mud in yer eye!
Potatoes with our roast!”

The very first sip made me gag
As the buds stuck to my uvula
It was almost as hard
To draw a breath
As it is to find a rhyme for uvula.

The gagging made me vomit 
Into my powdered, not-quite-green beer
All told I think this was
Around $32
Which had quite clearly been wasted here. 

I hope this tale has taught you well
To enjoy beer and weed as you should
And not end up
Like poor old me
Banned from this Chili’s for good. 

Kyle Stanley is ¾ English to ¼ Irish, which explains the self-hate. Twitter @KGordonStanley

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

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