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Have you heard? July 10th is the “new 420,” apparently — all thanks to greedy “Big Cannabis,” making a “holiday” celebrating dabs because when you type “710” into a calculator and turn it upside down, it spells “oil.” Gee, so original. So clever.

This stupid holiday is a scam, just like Mother’s Day… except this time, it’s absolutely awesome!

Sure, 7/10 may be a money making scheme, but I was gonna buy weed anyway, so if they want to arbitrarily assign a new day for sales, go for it. I’ll buy double.

I’m not saying I trust Big Cannabis or anything — I’m sure they’re just as vile as all those other mega corporations. But still: discounted weed? I’m convinced. Sign me up. The marketing ploy works. Let’s do this. 

In fact, let’s invent MORE fake weed holidays. They say it’s like “weed Christmas” — what if we just make actual Christmas into weed Christmas? Those are some evergreen trees I can get behind. Deck the halls with boughs of Strawberry Cough, because I’m dreaming of a White Widow Haze.

Thanksgiving? I’m thankful for weed, so there’s that one. 

We should do June 9th, because, nice. 

Oh, September 14 was my friend RJ Riley’s birthday — he was the first person to show me weed in 2005, so let’s make “First Weed Day” a holiday, where you turn someone new on to cannabis.

I think I’m onto something with this…

Let’s take 710 one step further: every day at 7:10 [AM and PM, obviously] can now be dab time. It technically already is — any time is dab time — but I mean, an officially recognized dab time. Now we’re getting somewhere.

Look, I get it: I’m a pawn in a corporate scam to separate me from my money… but this time, like, it’s in the good way, so who cares? You can get mad at Big Cannabis if you want, but me? I’m happy to be taken in by the trick. 

Bring it on, WeedCorp and your clever marketing team’s diabolical plot. You’re the puppet masters, and I’m just gonna get ripped.

Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

Click here to learn more.