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KANATA, Ont. — Hearing that some of his colleagues would be celebrating “Oil Day” on July 10, local graphic designer Henry Mountcastle, who still insists on typing “58008” on his colleagues’ calculators and leaving them upside down on their desks, loudly declared that he would abstain from the “absolutely ridiculous” holiday celebrating dabs. 

“Because 710 upside down spells ‘oil,’ we’re all now supposed to buy into this consumerist crap and go out and buy dabs or whatever? Pure nonsense,” said a haughty Mountcastle, delaying the end of a weekly team Zoom meeting to insist that he “and all (his) friends at least are above dumb jokes like that.” 

“Did we do stupid things like that back in middle school, because it was hilarious to use a calculator to type the word ‘boobs?’ Yes,” continued Mountcastle, who was apparently so entertained by the prank as a child that his friends made a special year-end note of it in his yearbooks in place of the more typical message of “HAGS” or “HAKAS.” “Do I think it’s still funny now? Duh. But 7/10 being ‘Oil Day?’ No. Just no.”

Immediately after his rant, Mountcastle was seen texting “55378008” to his boss.

Bradley Machov is a writer and improviser in Minneapolis, MN. Follow him on Twitter @bradleymachov

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

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