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Last week I purchased the ROOR Super Charged Z-Series Sand Blasted Tempertech 600 v.2-B with optional BlueTooth, internal WiFi, Find My Bong software, iTunes, Siri, self-cooling ice basin, and tri-stem funneled bowl.

Beginning with cosmetics, the design on the outside was gorgeous until I dropped the unit on the ground. The ROOR logo was in a fun half-cursive style that weaved around the bowl, until the pieces shattered across my living room floor. The raised lettering gave a hand-made feel to the piece, which I could still sense while picking up the bigger pieces off the floor.

The glass uses the new sand-blasted tempertech technology for a smoother experience, resistance to extreme heat or cold, and better insulation. The glass is also extra thick to prevent damages like cracks and nicks. The bong will be perfectly fine if you knock it off the coffee table or even if it slips through your fingers while passing along the smoke-circle. It will not however survive dropping it while pretending it’s a microphone and singing Glassjaw into it. Be warned, it is not entirely impervious to being launched at the parquet floor.

As for the ice basin, it is extremely sturdy and well encased — I can confirm the ice will not fall out, whether you tilt the bong while smoking, it gets a little shaken while traveling the smoke circle, or even it twirls around a few times on its way to the ground and its inevitable death.

Now the good stuff: let’s discuss the cannabis capacity and the actual smoke experience. The guy at the store assured me the bowl holds a ton of weed and smoking is awesome, but unfortunately I dropped the bong before I got a chance to actually try it, so you’ll have to just trust him.

And finally, clean up. Because the glass is tempered, it didn’t shatter into tiny sand-like crystals, but rather remained mostly massive shards of glass. Them sliding around my apartment is not the fault of ROOR. It was relatively easy to sweep up all the pieces and clean after it shattered in my living room.

Final thoughts: the lady that cleans my apartment once a week (my mom) rates it a 10/10. Happy smoking!

Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

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