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BROOKLYN, NY — The business is called Smokers LLC. We come to your place, smoke your weed, then leave. Simple and easy. We are extremely efficient and professional.

So why is no one hiring us?!

I assumed it was a perfect business model. Like the way you hire someone to come fix your toilet or oven or whatever. We come over and take care of the weed you have lying around. And since we rather enjoy smoking, it’s actually a win/win.

That’s how we keep the cost down!

Pricing plans are so low it’s practically a steal. We basically make minimum wage off the deal. For the cost of a cup of coffee a day, you can help a man in Gowanus get mega-baked on a Tuesday afternoon.

Yet the phones are silent. Not a single customer.

We had a few people call, but when we arrived they seemed to think we were gonna bring them the weed. Like, they clearly didn’t read the literature on the website. The transaction is very plainly laid out.

It seems like things are turning around lately though because we did get one call this morning. Sounded like a real noob, dude kept asking if we were the people that come by to ‘do the pot’ and can we bring any extra of ‘the marijuanas’ and do we know our business model is ‘technically still illegal’ and the guy on the phone stumbling over his own name assured us he’s ‘definitely not a cop’ — this guy sounds like a real doofus, but weed is weed, so…

Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

Click here to learn more.