PEORIA, Ill. — After hours of deep thinking about how the post-industrial complex has influenced the rise and fall of the massage industry, local plumber Brittney Howard went to commit her thoughts to paper, only to find that her vape pen wouldn’t actually write. “It’s just that we’ve now built up so many things that can take over the needs of skilled massage therapists, and it’s a real tragedy,” she philosophised as she clicked the button on her vape pen, licked the tip and attempted a draft. Her lips now blue thanks to mistakenly shoving a cartridge of ink into her vaporizer, sources say Howard then added, “This thing sucks. I’m not even high yet.” 

Joe Rapp is an improviser, graphic designer and unknown local celebrity in Minneapolis, MN. Follow him on Instagram and Twitter @fakejoerapp