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Look, I won’t make excuses for the guy’s actions. He’s the Tony Soprano of Mos Eisley.
But let’s be honest: Jabba The Hutt is living the stoner dream.
When we first meet him, he’s literally just lounging with a hookah pipe in his hand and a bowl of snacks next to him. There’s live music and a private dancer. What else is there?
And did you notice how when he couldn’t see the entertainment his boys slid the couch forward for him? This dude is straight crushing it!
Oh and if the dude ever gets bored with his literal fortress, he also has a non-stop booze cruise that drives over to the Shai Hulud to chill on the sand dunes.
Sure, the entertainment on said boat is murdering people by making them walk the plank into a sand creature that will swallow them whole then slowly digest them over a thousand years, but besides that detail, it sounds like a great time!
So yeah, ignore that he’s a gangster slug. He lives in a wretched hive of scum and villainy… but when he’s not chaining a princess to his sofa or murdering his stripper for no reason, your boy is living the stoner dream.
Dude is a LEGEND!
Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.