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CHICAGO, ILLINOIS — A local magician that’s obviously fried out of his fucking mind has reportedly asked what card you picked yet again, making this one awkward work party.

“Am I supposed to just keep going along with his act as if I don’t know this guy is higher than a giraffe’s ass?” you pleaded. “This amateur magician my work hired for the quarterly office happy hour seemed legit at first, but it’s quickly becoming clear that his overconfidence is just coming from some extraordinarily strong bud. He’s supposed to show me my card, not keep reminding me that he used to be Chris Angel’s dealer and forgetting what he’s doing.”

And that’s not the worst of it all. The magician also seems to be passive-aggressively blaming you for losing his rabbit.

“I put Willie Nelson right back in my hat where I always do and now I can’t find him anywhere,” explained 43-year-old showman Curtis Copperfield. “You’re telling me that it’s just a coincidence that you’re the only one that called Willie cute when I walked in with him? It took me years to train him, so you’re out of your mind if you think you can swipe my assistant. Wait, what card did you pick again?”.

Christopher Jones is a Chicago-based writer and video producer for Oregano, The Hard Times, and a variety of international brands.

Insta @Chris_Jones_Creates

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

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