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STOCKBRIDGE, Mass. — Mark Sadler’s latest trip to the gym quickly became a trip to the gym’s juice bar after having smoked before going to work out.
“Today’s workout was an Oops! All Juice Bar trip,” Sadler began explaining. “I always stop off after my workout to refuel, but on the way in I saw the sign with that bright orange protein shake in the picture and the polka dot straw sticking out with the perfect splash bouncing off the surface, and I just couldn’t resist.”
“I didn’t even talk to anyone or go on my phone, I literally stared at the menu for 5 hours and 53 minutes, then took 7 minutes to order, then left… but at least I wasn’t at home eating chips all afternoon so all in all, successful workout,” he added.
Gym owner Cameron Stenton has said this is not an uncommon occurrence since they rebranded as cannabis positive.
“We see the benefits of smoking so our stance is one of support if that’s something you enjoy or if it helps you in some way, but one of the drawbacks is now we get a bunch of people overdoing it and just sitting at the juice bar for hours at a time,” Stenton stated while swapping out the sign for a multicolored magic eye poster. “I’m not complaining, the juice bar has been basically printing money since we started letting people smoke and come to our gym.”
In his subsequent trip to the gym, Sadler made a concerted effort not to go to the juice bar, but smoking still precluded him from working out as he instead just fell asleep on the chest press bench until the gym closed later that night.
Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.