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DENVER, Colo. — Marcus Pillard’s recent first attempt at creating live rosin would have been better served if he had run through beforehand to facilitate the option of redoing things.

“I was super prepared to operate the press and produce my first-ever batch of live rosin, like I am a master of this process,” Pillard said while cueing up a new batch of freshly sourced, all-natural bubble hash for pressing. “I suppose in retrospect I should have at least done some practice runs ahead of time and not jumped right to the live stuff because oh man did I ruin the first few batches. Doesn’t change my level of mastery though, it could happen to anyone!”

“There’s so many factors to consider,” Pillard continued while finalizing the positioning of the press and monitoring the conditions of his environment. “Temperature in the room, sunlight, age, the amount of heat and pressure applied — it’s a far more involved process than most people realize, one that maybe should be planned out ahead of time so you’re not on the spot. I mean, I realize that, I just had some minor oversights the last couple rounds.”

“I’ve gone through like 40 batches already,” Pillard added while initiating the sequence to press the fresh plant-based hash and try yet again to produce his first successful batch of live rosin. “That’s like $80,000 worth of product ruined, and by me of all people, a master of the craft… I’m starting to think I’m actually not very good at this. Maybe I should let someone else operate the equipment?”

“…Nah, that’s nonsense, I got this, I can totally handle it!” he concluded while ruining another batch of live rosin.

Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

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