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COLUMBUS, OHIO — Mark Laughlin recently bestowed upon his bong the nickname Sweet Bae Honey Bunch Love Of My Life Babycakes Future Wife while simultaneously referring to his girlfriend of 14 years as Girlfriend.
“She’s the one. The love of my life. We’ve been together so long, I can barely remember a time without her,” Laughlin began explaining, pausing mid-sentence to hug and kiss his soulmate. “It was only natural I’d give my beloved a truly meaningful and endearing nickname!”
“But then I figured I should also give my girlfriend a nickname, so it’s not weird,” he quickly added, finally releasing his bong from the hug with one last kiss. “So I call her Girlfriend now instead of Lauren. That’s a good one, right?”
Lauren Sadler, the girlfriend in question, was initially upset but then she used Sweet Bae Honey Bunch Love Of My Life Babycakes Future Wife and understood the sentiment.
“I get it, that bong is so sick,” Sadler stated. “I would give her a sweet nickname too. And I’ve since given Mark an endearing nickname as well: Guy I Would’ve Broken Up With But He Pays For The Weed So Whatever. Catchy, right?”
Mark and Lauren eventually broke up when she found out his nickname Sidepiece was not referring to a ‘piece’ but rather another girlfriend.
Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.
Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke
Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.