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Do NOT buy this product! I repeat, the plushy stuffed animal shaped like a sick bong? Don’t buy it.

There I am, packing up the bowl. Filled it with ice and water, just getting ready to blaze so hard, and as soon as I spark it, the whole thing just bursts into flames. Product completely disintegrated into dust. 

And that was only after it set my whole apartment on fire!

The thing catches fire, and my face is right there, ready to take a massive rip, so not only does it burn my eyebrows clear off and leave scabby burns everywhere, I instinctually recoiled and dropped it, at which point the rug underneath caught fire as well. 

Literally, who makes a bong out of felt and cotton?! What were they thinking?! Huge fire hazard. Just awful design is what it comes down to. 

Other than that, it’s a well-made soft and fluffy product that is lovely to cuddle with or play with or have for decoration — so, not counting the ensuing inferno, it would’ve been a 5 star rating. 

Would not recommend it although a bong is still a bong, so the final score: 2/5 stars. 

Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.

Disclaimer: This Article Is a Joke

Speaking of absurdity, did you know there are still over 40,000 people locked up on nonviolent cannabis-related charges around the US? It’s time to let them out.

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