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BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Williamsburg-based budtender Randolph Leopold recently turned away customers, laughing at their ignorance, claiming that Lemon Haze is out of season and thus no longer available.
“How dare those heathens peruse my apothecary then request the shandy strains after the day of Labor hath passed!” announced Leopold to no one in particular while applying mustache wax to get the curls just right on his thin and wispy facial hair. “Whether growers have annualized crop patterns or not is irrelevant, those plebes mustn’t request summer strains once the autumnal cycle has commenced. They must now await the solstice for such product!”
The customer in question, Jenna Marcus, had been shopping for a summer-friendly strain because she was heading to the beach one last time before the weather gets too cold.
“With the heat wave, I was planning to head down the shore once more so I wanted a lemony flavor of weed. I didn’t expect some guy in an ill-fitting stovepipe hat, wearing a monocle and riding a unicycle, to scold me for it,” Marcus said. “By the way, that Diamond loupe he uses to analyze the weed doesn’t even have a lens in it!”
Leopold’s specialty dispensary has since declared bankruptcy and closed permanently.
Cameron Foley is a comedian and writer. He’d prefer you call him Cam.
